close
  • Home
  • Meet David
    • About Us
    • Client Forms
    • Contact
  • Services
    • Couples Sex Therapy
    • Sex Therapy for Men
    • Sex Therapy for Women
    • Trauma Services
  • What is Sex Therapy?
    • Couples Sex Therapy: FAQ
    • Sex Therapy for Men: FAQ
    • Sex Therapy for Women: FAQ
  • Blog
  • Darkness 2 Light
    • The Issue of Child Sexual Abuse
    • Stewards of Children: The Training
    • Stewards of Children FAQ
    • Schedule Training
  • Request Appointment
  • Email: [email protected] | Phone: (240) 449-4347 Request Appointment
Center for Holistic Mental Health and Sex Therapy

Center for Holistic Mental Health and Sex Therapy

  • Menu
  • Home
  • Meet David
  • About Us
  • Services
    • Couples Sex Therapy
    • Sex Therapy for Women
    • Sex Therapy for Men
    • Trauma Services
    • Client Forms
  • What is Sex Therapy?
    • Couples Sex Therapy: FAQ
    • Sex Therapy for Men: FAQ
    • Sex Therapy for Women: FAQ
    • AASECT Certified Sex Therapist
  • Darkness 2 Light
    • The Issue of Child Sexual Abuse
    • Stewards of Children: The Training
    • Stewards of Children FAQ
    • Schedule Training
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Request Appointment

Blog

Relationships

How to Determine if the Person You’re Dating is Relationship Material

Dinner Date & Event: Find out how you relate to each other in social settings – formal, informal,

Before You Leap: The Relationship Material Litmus Test

Dinner Date & Event: Find out how you relate to each other in social settings – formal, informal,When it comes to new relationships, sometimes we fall so hard and fast we miss early signals – even deal breakers – that could have prevented heartbreak down the road. Many of us make mental lists of ideal characteristics we’re seeking in a partner. Some of us even attempt to force fit the person we’re dating into those parameters. But, what if I told you there is a more effective way to vet your love interest? By all means, proceed with that mental list, but also do this:

Observe Your Date from Multiple Points of View

When it comes to dating someone new, my rule of thumb is: See people in at least three different lights. Unlike trying on clothing, the first date isn’t a one-size fits all arrangement. You must observe your relationship candidate in multiple scenarios to –

  • Determine your compatibility.
  • Gauge your chemistry.
  • Get a read on the energy they bring to different experiences.

Someone might do really well in a phone conversation, for example, but next time go grab a coffee together. If conversation becomes a chore, you’ve gathered some helpful information that might suggest proceeding caution before taking the leap. 

Take a Moment for a Gut Check

  • If you can’t sit down and have a nice phone conversation that you wish didn’t end, why would you join them for coffee next time?
  • If holding a conversation over coffee with them is like pulling teeth, why would you venture out on the next experience?
  • If the first two experiences were positive, try stepping out of your comfort zone a bit on your third experience. It might be somewhat challenging for your date to maintain the appearance of their “best self”, but you’ll gain authentic insights on how they manage the situation, approach adversity and to what extent they value your interaction.

You need to make sure this person is a good fit for the fluidity of your life. Each dating stage helps you figure out if they’re worth the relationship investment.

Getting the Full Picture

Here are a few suggestions to help you build a fully informed view of the new person in your life:

Virtual DateSituation 1 – Introductions: First phone calls, or preferably video chats, are strong compatibility indicators. (Read why we think video first dates should be here to stay.) 

Situation 2 – Meet up, Grab Coffee: There are many more factors in play when meeting in person. This second view allows you to physically see them, smell them, gain a better sense of them and your chemistry. 

Situation 3 – Dinner Date & Event: Find out how you relate to each other in social settings – formal, informal, active, calm. What are your mutual observations? Do you share a similar sense of humor or perspective?

Situation 4 – Adventure: Go hiking, bowling or dancing. Sing karaoke. Take a cooking class. Do something playful …and slightly unpredictable! These scenarios provide better glimpses into your partner’s authentic self. 

Build your own series of dates to evaluate the things most important to you. For example, if you value spending time with friends,  you might introduce your friends — or theirs, in a double date. It may be telling if you new partner acts differently with a crowd. 

In observation of social distancing requirements, your scenarios might include a video first date, an outdoor hike using a video chat service or live streaming a movie, show or event together. Get creative!

It’s healthy to be unsure of a new acquaintance. It’s even healthier in the long run to see if they pass your personal litmus test – seeing your potential partner in multiple lights, before taking the leap for love.

For more advice on dating or how to vet a potential partner, contact us today.

 

Tagged:dating

Posted by David Fishman on July 20, 2020

Tagged:dating

Relationships

First Date Conversations

First date conversations
First date conversationsFew of us have a crystal ball. But, thanks to online dating profiles, you can find out about a person’s tastes, hobbies, political affiliations and religious leanings before you even have a conversation. 

In some instances, you can also gauge someone’s relationship potential – if they are looking for uncomplicated companionship, a simple tryst or long-term commitment.

Despite this wealth of information, there is plenty to learn about your potential partner. So, how do you secure all the answers you need without overtly playing 20 questions, seeming paranoid – or worse, appearing desperate? 

Here’s what qualifies as fair game in that first exploratory conversation …and what you should tuck away for another time.

Prepare to Cover Some Ground, Not All of It

Acceptable topics include anything that helps you uncover shared:

  • Values
  • Goals
  • Connections
  • Interests

Here are some open-ended questions to steer the conversation in the right direction:

  • Introduce three of your favorite activities like dancing, wine-tasting and travel and ask your date how they feel about them.
  • What do you do when there’s nothing to do?
  • What are you working towards right now? What are your long-term aspirations?

The key here is to find commonality in a non-confrontational way. If you have a good chemistry PLUS shared goals, values and at least a few interests, you have relationship potential.

The Bottom Line on First Dates

There is nothing wrong with a partner that has different hobbies than you do. In fact, your differences and unique qualities might be what attracts you to a partner. But no matter how interesting someone is, you must share common values for relationship success. 

Uncovering long-term compatibility takes time but following these recommendations to guide first-date conversation will help you secure the insights you need to determine whether you should proceed.

For more advice on how to determine someone’s relationship potential, contact us today.

Tagged:communicationdating

Posted by David Fishman on June 29, 2020

Tagged:communicationdating

Relationships

Four Video Dates to Ignite a New Relationship

Four Video Dates to Ignite a New Relationship

Necessity is the mother of invention. And while the rules of engagement have temporarily changed, our need to seek out companionship and romance hasn’t. The dance of meeting new people and dating during the Coronavirus pandemic is alive and well; the venue has just gone digital.

Read morePosted by David Fishman on May 25, 2020

Tagged:dating

Relationships

Social Distancing and “Screening” on the First Date

Social Distancing and “Screening” on the First Date

There’s little doubt we’ve experienced massive behavioral shifts as a society in response to the pandemic. Social distancing, for example, has accelerated the adoption rate of video conferencing in all aspects of our lives – business and personal. As a matter of fact, it is changing the way we date and that’s a good thing.

Read morePosted by David Fishman on May 11, 2020

Tagged:dating

Sexuality

Mirror Game

Mirror Game - Sexual Play

One reason sex in long-term relationships loses its excitement and becomes routine is a lack of playfulness. As children we were free from the burden of responsibility, a freedom that as we grow into adulthood we are unable to enjoy. We yearn for just a taste of those feelings we had when we were kids playing games on the playground.

Read morePosted by David Fishman on October 15, 2016

Tagged:better sexgameintimacysensation exercises

Relationships

High Tech Sex: How to Use Tech to Better Your Relationship

High Tech Sex: How to Use Tech to Better Your Relationship

For many couple’s struggling with intimacy and eroticism, technology can be a tool to help guide and build those aspects in a relationship.

Read morePosted by David Fishman on September 1, 2016

Tagged:communicationdatingsocial mediatechnology

Sexuality

Chakra Breathing Exercise

Chakra Breathing Exercise - Sex therapy

The Chakra Breathing Exercise is a mediation designed to be a partnered mediation. Meditating with your partner is little different than meditating alone; the objective is basically the same with a twist. Meditation is supposed to bring balance, presence, clarity of mind, and calm one’s emotions.

Read morePosted by David Fishman on August 15, 2016

Tagged:breathingchakrameditationsensation exercises

Relationships

The Tech Gremlin: How Technology Can Hurt Your Relationship

High Tech Sex: How to Use Tech to Better Your Relationship

Technology and social media has connected people across the globe and even influenced global governments. For romantic partner’s, technology can be a double-edged sword, meaning there are both positive and negative aspects to the health of a relationship.

Read morePosted by David Fishman on August 1, 2016

Tagged:communicationsocial media

Sexuality

Sex Appreciation

Sex Appreciations exercise - sex therapy

Great sex requires communication there is just no way around that. Getting what you want is simple: you must tell your partner what or how to please you. Often couples use negative feedback to direct their partners, leaving them feeling bad and turned off.

Read morePosted by David Fishman on July 15, 2016

Tagged:better sexcommunicationintimacysensation exercisessex therapy

Sexual Choice

My partner wants to do what now?!

My partner wants to do what now?!

We all seem to have our own image of what sex is “supposed to be” and when sex sways too far away from that image it become unacceptable or in some cases amoral and sexually unethical. We use words like freak, disgusting, weird, and other words, I rather not say especially toward women to oppress those things that do not fit society’s notions of sex.

Read morePosted by David Fishman on July 1, 2016

Tagged:fantasyintimacyneeds

Categories

  • Mental Health
  • Relationships
  • Sexual Behavior
  • Sexual Choice
  • Sexuality

Tags

abortion adultery better performance better sex body image body scan chakra communication dating domestic violence Erectile Dysfunction eye gazing family fantasy health healthier sex infertility infidelity intimacy LGBT love low testosterone lubrication masturbation meditation ment mental health mental illness needs orgasm performance anxiety porn public policy sensation exercises sex education sex therapy sexual abuse Sexual dysfunction sexual education sexual health social media tanta tantra technology tips

Post navigation

← Older posts
  • Home
  • Meet David Fishman
  • Services
  • Client Forms
  • Darkness 2 Light
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Request Appointment

Recent Posts

  • How to Determine if the Person You’re Dating is Relationship Material
  • First Date Conversations
  • Four Video Dates to Ignite a New Relationship


Center for Holistic Mental Health and Sex Therapy
10400 Connecticut Ave, Suite 201
Kensington, Maryland 20895
Phone: (240) 449-4347
[email protected]

Sitemap
© CHMHST · 2020 · All rights reserved.