From my experience, three things must happen after a breakup.
1. We must heal and express our emotions about that breakup and the loss that the break-up caused in one’s life.
2. We must start taking care of ourselves. Not only health-wise like going to the gym and eating right, but also the other parts like our social, emotional, and erotic side.
3. We need to move forward. Decide that life is short and your “ex” should not stand in the way of your own happiness.
Healing after a breakup is hard
The first step might be the hardest of all because we are neither equipped nor socialized to process our feelings.
I think that is the one reason people suffer longer they should over losses, or hop right back into a new relationship. A breakup is a huge loss no matter how great the reasons are that you should not be together. We still lose something, whether it’s sex, social life, the relationship, or the person themselves.
In other words, breakups, for the most part, hurt. So when you are angry get angry. When you are sad be sad. Most of all do both of those in a way that respects boundaries and is both safe and constructive.
People think depression is sadness. It’s really self-hatred and anger at your own self (anger turned inward). So when we don’t allow ourselves to feel we begin to channel that negative emotion inward against ourselves. It’s that feeding on that self-hatred that is growing stronger and stronger until boom you explode or implode. This means that if we feel the ranging emotions that come after a break as they come, the wounds heal much quicker and you will move forward quicker.
Take care of your needs after a breakup
The second step may seem hard at first but as breakup wounds heal it will become easier and easier.
You are entering a new phase of your life, and it’s time to work on you. In a relationship we tend to sacrifice ourselves for our partner. Now we have all that energy and no one to give it to, so give it to your self. Love you like you loved your partner. It’s also a time to build social outlets and start new activities as it will help you in that final step where you are getting back out there. We find love, not through the pursuit of love itself, but rather in the process of searching for one’s true self.
Moving on after a breakup
The success of the final step “moving on” depends on how well you achieved the other two goals. This will be easier for some and harder for others but you need to be true to yourself about where you are at emotionally. Being present and honest about how you feel will help identify that moment when you are ready.
Life is short and we can live in the misery of the past, horror of an uncertain future, or we can live in the comfort of the one thing that is true this current moment.
We should mourn the loss of the relationship, but at some point we must forgive ourselves for our part of the breakup and forgive your ex for their part in the breakup. Then move forward. The fact is they are not the only fish in the sea and you found love once, so love will always find you again. And again.
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