One reason sex in long-term relationships loses its excitement and becomes routine is a lack of playfulness. As children we were free from the burden of responsibility, a freedom that as we grow into adulthood we are unable to enjoy. We yearn for just a taste of those feelings we had when we were kids playing games on the playground.
Great sex requires communication there is just no way around that. Getting what you want is simple: you must tell your partner what or how to please you. Often couples use negative feedback to direct their partners, leaving them feeling bad and turned off.
We all seem to have our own image of what sex is “supposed to be” and when sex sways too far away from that image it become unacceptable or in some cases amoral and sexually unethical. We use words like freak, disgusting, weird, and other words, I rather not say especially toward women to oppress those things that do not fit society’s notions of sex.
For many couples, struggling to be sexual often has more to do with style, speed, and disconnection than a lack of desire. Couple’s sex lives often break down because they neither develop a mutually satisfying sexual style, dialogue, nor an understanding of their partner’s body and sexual response.
Circular breathing can be done and used in many different ways. Circular breathing is when one inhales while the other exhales and vice versa. Simplicity in its practice but yet can be intense emotionally.
Circular Breathing may sound simple but can even be difficult for people who struggle with remaining mindful and intimacy. The practice is a Tantric breathing technique that brings two people in sync and builds bonds and intimacy between them.
Eye gazing is a powerful arrow in Cupid’s quiver. The power of looking, not staring into someone’s eyes is transcending. When a crush looks into your eyes and gives a flirty smile it can turn the worst of days into the greatest day ever. The connecting power eyes have, since they don’t lie, is that they are the window to the soul, and can melt the hardest of hearts.
This month’s exercise is all about harnessing that power to strengthen your relationships.
For partners at any stage of a relationship whether it is the first time you meet or been married 50 years, the effect is the same. Each time you do the exercise, the exercise helps like lifting weights. The exercise can be done at any time as long as you have 5-10 minutes.
Pleasure and touch are hard things for many to accept without guilt, obligation and the pressure to reciprocate the favor. Sensation exercises can help overcome those feelings.
Many people feel either uncomfortable or guilty with pleasure.
They feel undeserving of such good feelings and feel the need to please. What we end up with is people having sex trying to please and ignoring their own pleasure. For many, it becomes more about the other person’s pleasure rather than your own.
Intimacy is often a scary endeavor for many people. A fear of intimacy is not a fear of being close to someone, but rather, a fear of vulnerability and exposure.
I believe we often protect ourselves by placing boundaries so rigid that the ability to connect with another person is stunted.
The desire to connect with other people is a central part of being human. However, knowing how to develop intimacy and having the desire to do so are two different things. Understanding the root reason people struggle with intimacy, can help us understand the difficulties one has in developing intimacy.
A common complaint I get from many clients is that their partner is “checked out” during sex.
People describe themselves as forcing themselves on their partner or the sex feels bad and mechanical. They describe their partner as uninterested in them or sex in general. This creates so much tension since both sides feel frustrated and angry. The partner who feels their partner is checked out feels rejected and undesired. The partner who is checked out tends to feel forced, pressured, and anxious about disappointing their partner. To fix this problem we must first identify the problem.
The reason to me is simple: you are not connecting on more then a genital level.
It’s true that great sex happens spontaneously but does not mean the sex needs to be spontaneous too. In other words any kind of sex can turn into great sex even if it’s planned because the spontaneous intangibles that turns a sex encounter from “meh” to “oh yea” happens during the sex. We are not in control of those things, they just happen, but what we can do is utilize our spirituality.